You are getting on my nerves! Part 2

In today's episode we carry on with things that get on our nerves.  This episode has some education regarding tinnitus and how things like neck issues can aggravate the noises you receive.  As an acupuncturist I discuss all things Chinese Medicine, CBT for misophonia problems and dietary advice. 

It wouldn't be menopause dinners without the food!  Today's is kidney bean brownies which you can find on You tube and make them for yourself!  

Please get in touch if you would like to be on the podcast, either as a guest or in the audience.  There is absolutely no experience needed, no professional talking, I am looking for the average female who is going through their menopause and would like to talk openly about it.  If this sounds like you or you would like to be around other women to feel supported, then please get in touch through any of the details below.  This can be online, in person or at IG6 3HD

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Welcome to my postiness. My style and I'm not sure. You can expect more stories, later, a few thousand and stone five style if you're not alone. And the short storm called the motherholes. Welcome to my postinals. Welcome back, welcome back. If you were with us last time, you would most probably be thinking we're just having a moan fest in part one. There were some uh interesting subjects that we talked about, and we're gonna be talking about those again today. But before we do anything, let me just reintroduce the guests again. So we've got Maria. And we've got a lady in the audience. That's all right, we've got a little audience. So uh we like women around us while we're talking. So if you do want to come down to any of the podcasts, please do get in touch. The more the merrier. It's all all girls here, it's all good fun. So um I made something because it's menopause dinners. We always like to bring the food into it because food is part of the help that we have that we can allow ourselves to get better from symptoms that we've got. So that's why I like to do the dinner bit. Plus, it's also nice when you've got people come in to give them a little bit of food, whether it's nice food or not is besides the point. So today I made brownies. Now they weren't as good as my last brownies, but these are different ones because they contain kidney beans, okay, in peanut butter and oats. So there's a there's a few different things in there. I wanted to try it. A lot of people making kidney bean uh brownies, and I thought, let me try them. Whether I was successful or not, you'll find out in a second. But kidney beans are really good because they contain potassium, uh, phytoestrogens, as we know, they're they're good for menopause symptoms, fibre, B12, folate, and then we've got the oats again, which is another form of fibre, so there's a lot of good things in them. Um, but I I think I'm just gonna have to ask the ladies what they thought. Um, so first of all, that before you score me, can can we get some feedback? Maria, what did you think? I thought they were a bit dry. Okay, that's fine. I'll take that.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

But it took the edge they weren't sweet, but because they were like cake, it took the edge off my sweet craving.

SPEAKER_03 3:05

Oh, okay. I quite enjoyed them. Thank you. Does that mean we're gonna have a better half without them? We're not gonna be so uh worried about things in the second half. Everyone's gonna be a bit more calmer, maybe. Thank you. And uh what uh well come on, we'll come back to the scores in a minute, Carol.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Um, like Maria said, they were a little bit dry. Um, I'm not a great kidney bean eater, and for the fact that you disguised it in that manner, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

You like the disguise. I like the disguise. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right, and lady in the audience.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

I thought they were a bit dry. There's a pattern going on here. There is. Um, but they were it was actually quite tasty because again, I don't particularly like kidney beans, but it was it was, it was well disguised. And I if if I would say anything, it would be I thought that the chocolate being a dark chocolate.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

Ah it was just uh cacao powder. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

I think it could a chocolate powder might have uh you know, a white not white chocolate, what's the other chocolate?

SPEAKER_03 4:15

Cocoa.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Just a normal, yeah, would have been a pot. Just normal slab.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Yeah. Okay, thank you. So out of ten, Maria? Seven. Okay. Carol? Seven. Lady in the audience, seven. Seven, yay! I get a little much. I would say they're a dry two. I spat mine out. But I did put Greek yogurt on mine at home and uh to make it better. But if you want to try the recipe, I will add something. I will try it again and try and make it a bit more gooey. That will be on the YouTube channel, so you can see me making them and you can try them yourself and score them. And yeah, there we go. More recipes on there as well for you. So we talked last time about having loads of different problems, smells, people chewing, people eating, misphonia. So there's a few things that can help if you do suffer with this. If you did pick up on that and you know someone, so you know, wear a pair of headphones is sounds like really cheeky, but it does help, you know. So, like I said, with when I blend food, I have to wear headphones, so you've got to look at that CBT to help you understand why you're having a problem with a particular food, and that could be quite interesting for my coleslaw because it's obviously come from somewhere, you know, back there. Um, and yeah, just taking breaks for sensory overload. So if you find that you're really getting wound up about someone eating or whatever, then just take a break and come away before you say something really bad. But I do want to talk about Chinese medicine because if you don't know, I do traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture, and Chinese medicine with the ears is really important because the kidneys, hence why I did kidney beans. See, there's a there's a thing going on on here, a link to the ears. And um the ears in Chinese medicine, like I said, a kidney, and it's also to do with the colour black. So this is a good one. So kidneys is to do with water cystitis. Obviously, as we get older, we get things like water problems, urinary tract infections, but also the black is to do with the hair, kidneys is to do with the hair as well. And if you think about it, what happens to our hair as we get older? It thins. It thins and it goes grey, and it signifies strength. Black signifies strength. So if you look at all the leaders in China, Korea, you very rarely see a guy that's got grey hair. That's because they dye their hair, because it signifies strength. So that's that's quite an interesting one. But so things that affect the ears are what we call damp foods and also heat. So let's talk about the damp foods first of all. In the acupuncture world, there are channels that go up to the ears. So if you do eat particular damp foods, they can block the pathway to the ears, meaning that you won't you won't get the blood flow. So we talked about in part one about blood getting to the ears, lack of estrogen. So avoiding damp foods in your diet, which are things like banana, sugar, wheat, all the gooey stuff that we like, alcohol, but also heat. Heat's a really important one, and heat also is to do with why we get really irate. So if you eat a lot of chocolate, sugar, alcohol, there's a pattern going on here, it cigarettes, it sends heat up to the head. So think about reducing those kinds of foods. It's impossible to, and we're not saying to cut those foods out, we're just saying to maybe reduce them, and that can help the the heat rising up to the head, which is causing you maybe that panic or that anxiety. Um, and that can help. And tinnitus, I want to say as well. Some people get tinnitus issues because they've got neck problems, just throwing it out there. So neck issues, if you've got a tight neck, go and get some treatment. Your arms, yes, are connected to your neck, but again, sometimes I have people that have very tight arms, tight forearms, they can be pulling on the neck, then that pulls on the ear. So think about don't settle for having the tinnitus. Yes, you may have it, but think about other things. Just think, can I, you know, get my neck a bit looser? Is that you know taking the problem away from the tinnitus a little bit? Can I change my diet a bit to avoid all these foods? Just see if that helps out. And then if it doesn't, then you know that then that's it. But you may find that it it may reduce the noise a little bit. So I just wanted to talk about that because uh, you know me, I love to talk about Chinese medicine. I think it's really I think it's really interesting, and there's a lot of stuff that you can do, you don't have to put up with it. So, what next? Maria mentioned uh well, has anyone got any questions for me on that before we skip?

SPEAKER_00 9:52

I wanted to ask.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Oh that's all right, go on.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

I wanted to ask, you know, when you see um in the Chinese shops and they do those needles and it's around the ear. Yeah. What is that in what's kind of helping that? Is that to gain more balance or something?

SPEAKER_03 10:10

So the ear, it's called auricular acupuncture. So if you look at an ear, which you can't at the moment because we've all got headphones on, actually, you can look at that lady's ear there. It's it's actually uh it looks like a fetus, yeah? The the earlobe is the head and the ear, the um the feet are the top, it's curled in the womb like a fetus, and you can needle the ear for any any acupuncture point in the body. You don't actually have to go on the body, you can just needle the ears.

SPEAKER_04 10:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:46

So there's so many ways that there's so many reasons why uh people do auricular acupuncture, but there's also another treatment called the NARDA protocol, which is very, very popular, and that's to do with PTSD, anxiety, depression, addiction. Um, and that's like five acupuncture points on the ears that really help. So yeah, but it's and there's calming point. There's a calming point on the ear. I always give patients um an earseed if they're going somewhere that's like stressful, and I do it on myself. If I'm going to the dentist, I put an earseed on and it calms me down. It does work and it really settles you. So again, if I've got anyone that's got any sleeping problems, I give them an earseed to calm them down so that they can um do they can actually press on the earseed to to just release.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

Does it stay in?

SPEAKER_03 11:39

Yeah, it does, it can stay in. I had someone once that had it for three weeks when they went away for Christmas and they come back and it was a bit stuck, but it was still it was still on there. But it does work, and you know, everyone it works for different things, but I do think that if you can have a little bit of calm, it can help you.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Is it something that can be bought from the shop from your chemist, and then you apply, or does it have to be done professionally?

SPEAKER_03 12:08

Okay, so now there are people that sell them online uh that aren't acupuncturists, we won't go there, but they do. Um I would suggest that as you know one, you can ask them and they can and they can show you, and then that's it. But they're easy, and I can just give you a few. It's not a problem.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

I want to go to sleep.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Oh, you you're you will, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Uh you're okay. Yeah, I was just going to say that um you saying about the problems with the neck being related to tinnitus. I have found that when I go to when I go to bed and wake up in the morning, the tinnitus is worse. Um sometimes I haven't got tinnitus when I go to bed, but I wake up with it in the morning and I do have a tight neck.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

So there's there's I have thought that myself, yeah. That there's some sort of relation with my neck, and I do massage my neck, but as yet it hasn't made it go away.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

Yeah, but well you there you go. That's interesting. And um when I do the the fashion manipulation, when I sometimes get people that have um a bit of glue ear, or they have really uh bad sinuses, or they you know, it keeps popping, there's a lot of work that can be done to to to help relieve it. So that's interesting that you said that. So you know what to do, don't you? Yes. I do. Any other questions, ladies, before we carry on? Okay, so while we were having a break and the ladies were eating the very dry brownies, um we had a little chat. There was something, uh Maria, that you said that you'd like to talk about.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Yeah, this isn't something that is as bad as it was. I think now that my HRT is sort of controlling things, but the internal rage that I used to get and still sometimes get, I don't, as I said, I'm not confrontational at all. But when I go, it takes a lot to make me go, and then it's spectacular. And my middle son will tell you about a time when I I was living with the three children probably about 10 years ago, and uh they were arguing amongst themselves, and I went to tell the instigator off, and then they ganged up on me and I lost the plot. And I shouldn't really admit to this. I went in the garden and in the shed there was an axe. Don't panic, please don't and I lobbed one of the trees in the garden. Well, in I was in such a rage, and then I pulled myself together when I looked up and saw these three faces at the window and thought, what the hell are you doing? Oh my god. That was probably the worst, but I do get these internal when things really annoy me, and because I don't confront, I I internalise it.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

I've never heard that before, I've never heard about and uh axe should we be worried?

SPEAKER_02 15:24

I haven't got an axe now. Oh my god, but also the tearfulness. I used to just cry for no reason, and I could cry and cry and cry. I do still cry a lot, but I can hold it now, so it might be a trigger, and it's generally when I'm on my own, which is actually quite sad when I think about it. But something will trigger it, and then I'll be in floods of tears and pour myself together, and then I'm fine.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

So that's interesting about the internal rage because we've never really heard it spoken like that before. Because when we did mood twins, it was like, for instance, Paula literally someone cut the cut her up in the car or something, and then she chased them, or something happened, and then she really like went, but that was like being vocal, that's not like letting it build up and and not having to do with it.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

I've I can visualize and not not the ax in the world. That's okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

I think our listeners are getting a really good idea of what I will go through it in my head.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

And if I do have if there is a situation where I should really say something to somebody and I don't, and then I come away thinking, well I should have said that and I should have said that, and then I get annoyed with myself. And that's got worse as I've got older.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Yeah, that the confrontation is is a difficult one, isn't it? Because I think a lot of us are people pleasers. Oh, I'm definitely a people pleaser, you know, and it's really hard to kind of when you've been like that all your life and then all of a sudden to switch, I think people don't don't like that.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

Generally, if when I have one of my, it is just break down and cry. And it it's just frustration and yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:22

Yeah, oh mate.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

But I don't really argue.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

No, but that must have been really did you feel better after throwing it?

SPEAKER_02 17:29

I wasn't throwing it, I was cutting breaking. Oh, you were cutting.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Oh, just making wood, making wood for the fire.

SPEAKER_02 17:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Oh. And yeah, one. Yeah, but that's but that's healthy because you're getting it out. I don't think they thought it was healthy. Yeah, but you're getting it out. That's you know, I mean, I like a scream. I I sometimes I really want to scream, and I've done it, and I've tried to do it when no one's around because I don't want to upset anyone, but I I feel so good afterwards.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

So it's probably the same kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 18:02

Yes, it builds up, it it builds up, builds up, builds up, and then you can't let it out, and then it's it you just want to just do something with it, but you can't. Carol, what do you think?

SPEAKER_00 18:15

I'm thinking back to a couple of situations that I've had, and I think I've experienced the same thing as you. Because I've talked about no, because I've talked about it in my head and the rage, because I'm acting it out in my head.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

That's exactly it.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

And um and I get to a point where I am enraged, so enraged, but I have to say to myself, step down. And so, but it happens, it's more frequent. And I don't mean every week, it's just the realization that I'm in that zone that I'm realizing, yeah, it's a little bit more frequent. So um I definitely understand where and I never took no note of it until you started speaking about it. So um that's why I love this little show. It's the small little things that we we kind of um kind of step it down, step it to the one side, shove it over to the one side, but it is a thing, and we're in new grounds now, we're learning new things about ourselves. So just having this little platform really does make you think I am human still. Yeah, yeah, you know, there is nothing unequal about us anymore. We're just new, we're budding a new flower. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

That's lovely. Isn't that nice? It's true though, but it's also when you hear someone else normalize it, that's the thing, isn't it? It it you know it it does.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Because they my children at the time obviously thought I was nuts. And I felt nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I've told people, I mean I don't tell very many people. Well, you know. And they think I'm nuts.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

Yeah. But it is But I'm not. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of women crying right about now. Yeah. Yeah. Because the crying is one thing, because we know we're doing we're going through the menopause and everything. But um to know when somebody speaks and you think I'm not alone, that can really, really turn something around. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Well, are you right, Carol? I feel like I need to come and give you a hug.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

Yeah, it's uh he's a difficult one, isn't it? Um but there have been times where I I'm not proud of my behaviour. I will say that the way that I've had that, like you said, built up and then I've exploded because I don't know how to deal with it.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

And that's that's on me, but it's also the fact that it's something new that you're learning to deal with that you've not had. You've had it before, but not to the extent of it like you've got now. You know, I the other day I said, I mean, it's like my husband's a a wonderful guy, but he's got OCD, and it's like living it in all-inclusive. I put something down, it's gone. And the other day, I literally put a pan down, I told me how to reuse it, and he was washing it up. And I just went, I just, I'm not proud. I went, what the fuck? Like that, because I was like, No more, I can't, you know. But again, it's not I could have years ago, I would have been able to kind of say something a little bit more diplomatic, but but that there's just not that it's a zero to one hundred.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

Do you take things more personally now?

SPEAKER_03 21:58

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

So it's If someone had said that to me, yeah, I I wouldn't have burst into tears, but that would have been my oh my god, and probably would have got tearful, yeah, thinking, what you know, what have I done, and then swallowed back the tears. And right, you don't be stupid, it wasn't meant as yeah, but it's the procrastination as well, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 22:20

Yeah, and that's I find that really bad. And my husband will tell you that I will talk to him about something about 500 times. So if I send in a text to someone, I sent a text to someone the other day and I didn't know how to put it. So I I asked him, How do you think I should do it? We spent half an hour talking about this text, and then I still didn't get it didn't get sent. Then the next morning I went, I went on ChatGPT and it told me how to write it and I sent it off. But a whole evening just going over this text about every little thing that's on it, am I gonna piss them off? Is that me? That's not me talking. Let me change that. Are you sure that they're gonna be okay with that?

SPEAKER_02 23:12

And I I worry so much, and I've got a big thing about this about offending people. I'd hate to think that I'd offended people, and I'm very much I don't say things in a knee-jerk reaction. I always think about what I'm gonna say, and I don't like other people doing it because you can't take back what you've said, yeah, or you can't take back what you've written down, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

Yeah, I'm it's hard, isn't it? Yeah, but writing down that's the problem with texting.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Text in or an email, you can read it however you want. It's not necessarily meant for someone to to have it that way. And I like pleasantries at work.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

If I get an email that hasn't got pleasantries in, I think I've upset someone. But I know I haven't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

But the work environment has changed how we perceive things as well, because once upon a time we would just send an email without any thought about how would that person feel, how are they gonna receive it, what do we want the outcomes to be. So we're we're thinking about it a lot more. I'm like that. I do think about it. Not everyone does. But no no, not everyone does. But I can sit and kind of I don't know if it's procrastinate, but um definitely what should take me five minutes is taking me 15-20 minutes.

SPEAKER_04 24:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

So um it's taking a little bit longer because I am sensitive to that other person.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

So yeah, I think And maybe it's overthinking. Yeah, because I think it is overthinking, but um I don't think it's a bad thing. I don't think it's a bad thing. I think we should be sensitive to the people that are around us and everything else.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

So I had uh a work colleague once, it was so funny. I was off and I come back to work. This is years ago, so this is before my menopause, this was in my 20s, and it's just stay with me. She come, I come back and they said, Oh, we're having a a no email day, and I didn't know anything about it, and I'd already sent them an email, and they sent me back an email saying it's no email day. So I sent them back an email to say, I didn't know it was no email day, and they sent me back an email, stop sending me emails. They went forward and back, and I'm like, I can't win here because I didn't know, no one, no one told me. Uh, but yeah, it's I think it's very difficult when you you, you know, we've talked about your confidence, how sometimes that can come into play when you are talking to other people, and then you've got your the procrastination on top of that, and you've got your internal rage going on on top of that. It's it can be very challenging, I think, because you are going for a massive transition in your life. You're trying to identify who you who you are now, and you're trying to do that in a nice way, which is easier said than done, isn't it? Really? Let's face it. Yeah, yeah, you see, you see, how are we doing over there?

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Yeah, I'm good.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

With us going through the menopause, and we're starting to identify the fact that we are changing and I'm not talking about just going through the menopause, hot flushes, and everything else. How do we identify with how does it show up in work? How does it show up in the family? Because um last week, my daughter she was she was a bit moody and everything else. So I said to her, What's the problem? And she turned around and she said to me, Oh, you don't want to hear it. And I thought, well, I just asked you what the problem was. And um and she said, then she turned around and she said to me, You only hear what you want to hear. And I said to her, Tell me what what the problem is and let me kind of see how I can navigate and help you and everything else. And she said, Oh mum, I don't really want to talk about it. And I was just about to kick off, and then something just said to me, No. No, we're not gonna go, dear. And then I left it. I kind of stepped down and left it. And I was sitting there thinking to myself, normally I wouldn't behave like that, I would really go for it. But I feel that that was a new me. And I was glad I didn't because the next day she came in and talked to me. So I was one and then I started thinking, overthinking, have I missed conversations then? Because of the old me. So um, and even in work, I met with a new manager, and he's he's gonna be my manager, and I really laid it on the line for him and said to him, There will be none of this, there will be none of that, I don't do this, and not you. Not in terms of the task, because I'm a worker, but the attitudes, the the behaviors, and it I don't want to have to deal with it. And if you're gonna bring it and present it to me, I'm gonna deal with you straight away.

SPEAKER_02 28:25

Can you teach me how to be like that?

SPEAKER_00 28:28

And that's a new me, because I said it very calmly, and I said to him, Have I said anything that you feel that can't be met or I need to adjust? Because um I said this is a new pulse for me, and um I want to do it well, but I'm not 20 anymore, and I realize that I'm going through and I'm changing, so you're gonna be a part of my journey. And he was really, he said to me, if everybody talked like that, Carol, I'd have a better team. Because he's got a very dysfunctional team, but uh in saying that you don't see him.

SPEAKER_03 29:08

But yeah, but that's being very honest, and and and for for you, I think that's amazing. But some people you're lucky that he liked that, yeah, but not everyone likes likes that, not everyone can take that honesty. Sometimes it's too too much for people, you know. But I think in your case it worked worked very well for you.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Yeah, it did. And I've been thinking about it and thinking about it. For months I've been thinking about life is really changing for me. And um, I'm seeing some of it, and some of it's racing past me, and that's when I get tearful. Yeah. When I see old things, and I mean silly things, like we don't have telephone boxes. I I couldn't I lost my phone. And I thought, yeah, well, I'll phone the house. And then I realised there isn't a single telephone box on the road, and I got tearful about the fact that telephone boxes are no longer a thing. So yeah, it's small little things.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

I'm sorry, Carol, but there's something. I'm sorry, I'm taking it seriously, but at the same time, I'm thinking, yeah, a telephone box.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

It's the and that's what change.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

My girl, what you're saying, my parents had a they actually had um a payphone in our house. They yeah, it was annoying.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

She were on the phone all the time.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Yeah, it wasn't just me actually, but I it was really annoying because w if you didn't have any no change, you won't call in no one. But but yeah, no, I get what you mean.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

I think is it part of because this is all new and because this is our it's not we're not senior, they're not our senior years, but life is rushing past, and our children are growing up, and my grandchildren are getting bigger and yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

I think it is all part of it, and then I yeah, I panic. I'm glad that they're gone. But you know, the the change, yeah, and it's like being rebirthed, you know, it's just that we're still an adult, yeah. But and we're still learning as well, and we're still learning as well, and I'm glad I'm still learning, I still have the the ability to do that.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

When um when I put this podcast together, I was thinking there's two ways this can go today, and it can it can be about what's getting on our nerves, but I was also gonna do a podcast about what I've learned, and I think this is actually going very nicely into that. So I would like to ask you all a question. What have you learned? If you could go back to your younger self and prepare them for your menopause, whatever stage you're in, what would what what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_02 32:13

Be gentle with yourself, be gentle with yourself with yourself because because sometimes I think I'm too critical of myself, and I want to be everything for everyone, and I can't be. That's not possible. And I think for somebody to think that you can have it all and be everything for everyone, it's just impossible because something has to give. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

I like that. Yeah, I like that. But I'm not there because I've got one daughter, and I've never once even had a conversation in regards to me being menopausal.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Have you not?

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Not once.

SPEAKER_03 32:57

How old is she?

SPEAKER_00 32:58

27.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

I don't even do the punt of saying, well, one day you're gonna get here. I I I'd absolutely say nothing to her, and I'm conscious that I'm not saying nothing to her because I there's something in the back of my mind that says, enjoy the young life, enjoy the the freedom of being young. She hasn't got any children, you know, she goes out, she does what she's doing, and everything else. And I feel like I don't want to spoil it with this talk about menopause. And she's not had any children yet, and you know, to enjoy having your child and being a mother and all that. And if she comes and asks me, because one of the things is I never had a conversation with my mum, I just happened to realize that it was that what she was going through. But that wasn't until in my 40s that I realised that's what she was going through. So um I'm hoping that I'm still around to be able to say to her, yeah, this is how it feels. And this table enlightens me to give her a little bit more conversation than saying.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

Did she listen to these podcasts?

SPEAKER_00 34:08

No, I don't know. I don't even think she knows that I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

I think she's gonna be shocked. Yeah. And I think this is good because sometimes it is about if you if they listen to it, it's different, isn't it? It's not like it's actually sometimes it's better. Yeah. Because they can take it or leave it. It's almost like a secret.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

But I think boys shouldn't be exempt from it.

SPEAKER_03 34:32

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

I think they, you know, at the end of the day, exempt from it. We should be having a conversation with our boys. My youngest is more aware than the older one because the youngest was still at home. Well, he was young, so he was at home. So when I was raging, he used to say to me, he used to be nervous about how I would come in the house because the slightest thing would kick me off. So he's a little bit more, and he would punt and say, Mommy, do you need me to get something? Water, hot fan, something. So he's a bit more aware. Whereas the older one hasn't the foggiest idea. No, no sense about that.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

So, what would you say to yourself?

SPEAKER_00 35:25

I think I would say to my younger self, I'm glad I had the life that I had. I'm glad I had the childhood that I had. I'm glad that I had the youth. That's why I don't want to steal it from them. So, um, you know, the experience. I I you know, I was lucky. I had a good family, strong family, still there now, so um the younger self, yeah, you did good. You did good. The older self, mm-hmm learning curve.

SPEAKER_03 35:56

Okay, okay. And uh the lady in green what would I say to my younger self?

SPEAKER_01 36:08

I would probably just say love the life that you have because as you get older you think about things It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 36:32

It's okay. Um It it's very, very true. That's that's the worst thing about becoming older is that it's it's part of the process, isn't it? Um and I think I would definitely say to my younger self that it's okay if you fuck up. Yeah, you know, I I never thought I was, but people tell me all the time I'm a perfectionist, I didn't know that, but I'm getting to understand that now. And so when things don't go right for me, I do beat myself up a hell of a lot, and again, I don't know that I'm doing it, but I know that now, and I'm trying to say to myself, if you have a not so good day, it's okay because it doesn't have to carry on to tomorrow, or even this afternoon, it might be a bit better. So yeah, I would definitely say to myself that it's you know, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you fuck up because tomorrow is a different day, and I really hope that I could uh take that on board because I would waste I've wasted so many years just trying to be perfect at stuff, and that's what I meant about being everything for everyone, yes, and it's so much energy and it's so much takes a lot out of you, you know, to try and do that, but it's oh it really is okay not to be perfect, it's all right, people will still like you for who you are, you know. It doesn't mean that they don't want to see you. I mean, I've hid away from people and not seen them for for months, for years, because I don't want them to see my imperfections, and that's me going a bit deeper now, and I've lost a lot of good friendships over it. Um, and that's not their fault, that's my insecurities thinking that they don't want to see me when I'm in my deepest despair.

unknown 38:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

But if you've got friendships, then it's walts and all. So they either see you or they don't.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

That was something that Kirsty touched on in the fibromyalgia. Oh, check you out, you've been doing your homework, ain't you? And she was talking about relationships, yeah. Both the ladies were about relationships being 50-50. And I didn't quite agree with that. Oh. Because in an ideal world, yeah, of course, we want our relationships to be 50-50 or our relationships with our other halves. But they can't be, yeah, because sometimes I might only have 30% to give. Yeah. So he's got to carry me, so he's got to give that 70%. Yeah. And vice versa. Yeah, yeah. And that's how life works, and then there's good times where you're both giving your 50%, yeah. But in order to carry each other and to support each other, that's very true.

SPEAKER_03 39:28

It's not yeah, you're brought up to think it should be 50-50, but it should be. Carry, I'll carry you for this journey, and you carry me, and then vice vice.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

And I suppose that is 50-50, isn't it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

In in a way, but but no, you're you're yeah, you're right. Yeah, there's so there's so many things to learn, there's so many things to say. Oh, we've got to end up on a happy note. I feel like we've got a bit flat. We've got a bit flat. So um, okay, so let's let's let's give a scenario. You're in you're in a room, someone's chewing, it's really pissing you off. I'm gonna go around the table, we'll end on this. What do you say to them? Maria. Right, okay. All right, we'll leave it to Maria. No, go on, Maria, what would you do?

SPEAKER_02 40:25

I probably wouldn't say anything. I'd internalise it. You'd internalise it.

SPEAKER_03 40:29

Okay, Carol.

unknown 40:31

Bring it down a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 40:33

Oh, bring it down a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

I think I'm a bit of both, because often I will say nothing, and perhaps somewhere along the line later on I might sort of mention something relating to it.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

But generally I'm not confrontational. I'm quite a sort of mellow, subdued sort of person to a degree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:00

No, it's good. Okay, so I will say to them. Okay, I think that's I think we've left it on a good note there. So, um, Carol, if anyone would like to be a guest on Menopause Dinners, what do they need to do?

SPEAKER_00 41:20

You don't have to have any experience. Um, you can contact us on menopause dinners at gmail.com or the platform that you're on. Just send us a message and come on board. You'll have great fun.

SPEAKER_03 41:36

Perfect. Thank you very much. So before we do the final rounds, I want to say thank you to our wonderful guest today. Thank you for having me. I've loved it. So well and the action. I love it. Have a good evening.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

And it's good night from me.

SPEAKER_03 42:03

We're gonna send us on. And then yeah, no, I want to say thank you to everyone for being here. It's been a real pleasure. So that's it. That's it. It's been it's been eventful tonight. People trying to come in the room, trying to stop and start, trust talking about everything, what we like, what we don't like. But thank you for being with us. We do hope you come back. There are more things coming up on menopause dinners in this season. I've got some people talking about perimenopause nutrition. I've got a lady coming down, she's gonna talk about women in the workplace, knowing you're right. I've got someone doing meditation, exercise. There's so much coming in this season. So do come back. So remember to like, rate, subscribe, or join any of the platforms. Let's know we're doing a good job. There is now a monetization button as we are now non-profit. Every little bit helps. But before you go, I'd just like to give you a final thought. Menipo sucks, but with friends, it sucks a whole lot less. We will see you next time on Menopause Dinners. Menipo's Dinners is sponsored by Fitness Therapy for you. We'd like to thank every sports and ledger for providing space to record. Information we have on food and supplementation is our own experience. If you're suffering from any medical condition, please get medical advice before trying any health.